"The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention…. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words." -Rachel Naomi Remen
The quote above said so much to me that I really wanted to share. It is so true and important that we must be good listeners along with giving that person the attention and time of day to hear, actually hear what they are saying. If we are better listeners we may be able to comprehend better what the other is looking for in a response from us.
This definitely ties into the communication between men and women. It just may be that we both need to be better listeners to understand what the opposite sex is looking for when they speak to the one another. We, the listener, may be too quick to jump into the conversation and say our part, that we miss the whole point and frustrate the speaker. Therefore I do not agree with Dr. John Gray’s Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus. I liked what was said in the case study that “John Gray is from Mars but women and men are from the same planet.” I very much agree with that.
The case study we received in class, He Says/She Says by Julia T. Wood shows a lot of the concepts we went over in class and I found it very interesting how they mirrored each other. It took a simple situation between a boyfriend and girlfriend that often happens and made it very clear to the reader.
To sum up the article, Ginger and Luke are having communication problems. It seems as though every time they talk they are misunderstanding one another. Ginger doesn’t see why Luke can’t flow with the conversation and Luke can’t understand why Ginger “jumps” all over the place with different topics and not sticking to one. They later talk to other friends about the problem and learn that men and women have different ways of conversing and listening. Once they understood this they both made the effort to be clearer when talking.
In this situation it wasn’t a problem with the speech community because the two share common norms, it was more about their listening styles and gender differences that led to misunderstanding the needs of the other.
Ginger showed the listening styles of people oriented and content oriented. People oriented meaning she had empathy for the situation that was going on with Becky and Ben and Content oriented meaning she was very detailed in the situation linking everything together and questioning why. Luke on the other hand showed Action oriented and time oriented listening styles. Action in which he wanted to stick to what he thought was the main topic, Becky’s job opportunity and the no-nonsense approach. He didn’t want to hear anything else, not Becky’s parents divorce and the affect it may have on her relationship with Ben etc. He just wanted to discuss Becky’s job opportunity and what she should do. With Luke having this mindset it led him to show nonverbal cues that he was no longer interested in the conversation. An example would be him tuning into the construction going on around him and not what Ginger was saying. This example also goes along with barriers to effective listening. Maybe if the environment surrounding them was different the conversation would’ve taken a different turn. Many of these factors caused conflict between Ginger and Luke.
Another factor that supports why the conflict occurred between the two has a lot to do with gender differences. Men usually have one mind set and that’s to try and fix things or solve problems. Men take one topic at a time and take care of that before moving on to something else whereas women can talk about one thing that may lead to another and to another. Since many don’t know the differences of communication and listening between men and women misunderstandings occur.
I couldn’t pinpoint an exact time where this has happened to me but I know that it does. I chose to talk about this particular case study because while reading about it I thought about my relationship with my boyfriend and how Ginger and Luke’s conversation reminded me of many conversations I’ve had or attempted to have with my boyfriend.
The quote above said so much to me that I really wanted to share. It is so true and important that we must be good listeners along with giving that person the attention and time of day to hear, actually hear what they are saying. If we are better listeners we may be able to comprehend better what the other is looking for in a response from us.
This definitely ties into the communication between men and women. It just may be that we both need to be better listeners to understand what the opposite sex is looking for when they speak to the one another. We, the listener, may be too quick to jump into the conversation and say our part, that we miss the whole point and frustrate the speaker. Therefore I do not agree with Dr. John Gray’s Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus. I liked what was said in the case study that “John Gray is from Mars but women and men are from the same planet.” I very much agree with that.
The case study we received in class, He Says/She Says by Julia T. Wood shows a lot of the concepts we went over in class and I found it very interesting how they mirrored each other. It took a simple situation between a boyfriend and girlfriend that often happens and made it very clear to the reader.
To sum up the article, Ginger and Luke are having communication problems. It seems as though every time they talk they are misunderstanding one another. Ginger doesn’t see why Luke can’t flow with the conversation and Luke can’t understand why Ginger “jumps” all over the place with different topics and not sticking to one. They later talk to other friends about the problem and learn that men and women have different ways of conversing and listening. Once they understood this they both made the effort to be clearer when talking.
In this situation it wasn’t a problem with the speech community because the two share common norms, it was more about their listening styles and gender differences that led to misunderstanding the needs of the other.
Ginger showed the listening styles of people oriented and content oriented. People oriented meaning she had empathy for the situation that was going on with Becky and Ben and Content oriented meaning she was very detailed in the situation linking everything together and questioning why. Luke on the other hand showed Action oriented and time oriented listening styles. Action in which he wanted to stick to what he thought was the main topic, Becky’s job opportunity and the no-nonsense approach. He didn’t want to hear anything else, not Becky’s parents divorce and the affect it may have on her relationship with Ben etc. He just wanted to discuss Becky’s job opportunity and what she should do. With Luke having this mindset it led him to show nonverbal cues that he was no longer interested in the conversation. An example would be him tuning into the construction going on around him and not what Ginger was saying. This example also goes along with barriers to effective listening. Maybe if the environment surrounding them was different the conversation would’ve taken a different turn. Many of these factors caused conflict between Ginger and Luke.
Another factor that supports why the conflict occurred between the two has a lot to do with gender differences. Men usually have one mind set and that’s to try and fix things or solve problems. Men take one topic at a time and take care of that before moving on to something else whereas women can talk about one thing that may lead to another and to another. Since many don’t know the differences of communication and listening between men and women misunderstandings occur.
I couldn’t pinpoint an exact time where this has happened to me but I know that it does. I chose to talk about this particular case study because while reading about it I thought about my relationship with my boyfriend and how Ginger and Luke’s conversation reminded me of many conversations I’ve had or attempted to have with my boyfriend.
The thing that I find most frustrating is just trying to get my point across and I find it very hard when it doesn't seem like the person I'm speaking to is really listening. I have also realized that I really need to think before I speak and to make sure I am clear in what I am saying. The only problem is I may be clear in what I'm saying and I've thought it through but the person I'm speaking to still doesn't understand me and this is also VERY frustrating. Since men are very one-track minded it makes it difficult to really get your point across. I feel with my boyfriend I have to spell everything out for him to understand exactly what I'm trying to say.
I think it’s very interesting to see the different sides of how women converse and listen opposed to how men converse and listen. I believe if we all listen more closely to what is said to us that we may have a better understanding as to what the person is actually saying and what they’re seeking in return from the listener.
1 comment:
Well written article.
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